The first time I read The Artist's Way, Julia Cameron’s assertion that “shadow artists often choose shadow careers—those close to the desired art, but not the art itself,” floored me.
Because there I was, plain as day: a shadow artist.
Now, I know I’m not the first frustrated creative to find a creative compass in The Artist’s Way. But, crucially, TAW showed me the uncomfortable truth: that I was living in the shadow of the art I burned to create; living in the gloom of the paid artist — the professional copywriter — who was “more important” than the dreams I came into the world with.
Relatable? I bet it is.
Shadow artists are hard to see, because ostensibly we are those people who are “lucky to get paid to do the thing we love”. But we are everywhere.
The poet who works in PR.
The painter who touches up the masterpieces of others, but never lifts a paintbrush outside the gallery.
The journo with a successful column who yearns to write books.
The music exec whose hopes of playing in a successful band are slowly shrinking with each passing year.
The digital marketer who studied English Lit at uni and had dreams of penning their own literary classic.
The film critic with reams of half-finished screenplays on their Google Drive.
The designer who dreams of couture bridal gowns, but somehow wound up as a buyer for a high-street brand.
It’s also me: the copywriter who actually wanted to write books. To write short stories. Publish poems. To write songs and get paid to perform them. To make clothes, and sell them.
But who decided, somewhere along the way, that she couldn’t. Shouldn’t. That it was precarious. Unsafe. Unprofessional. Childish, even, to try and do that when there were secure, grown-up careers to pursue instead. Things that weren’t built on luck, tenacity and opportunity, but on good, reliable contracts and monthly pay slips. So she picked the closest thing someone in an office would give her and started a decade-long career writing things that brought other peoples’ dreams to fruition, instead.
And, I want to be very clear here: I love my work. I feel lucky that I found a thing that pays and intersects with the stuff I’m passionate about. I feel lucky to have the grit and resilience required to have shaped that into a business that’s been around 6+ years now. I feel lucky to, in many ways, “do something I love.”
But getting paid to do what you love can be the kiss of death for the thing that lives beneath that.
Because now your passion equals a paycheque. And there’s no time to fuck around and find out, to experiment, to do stuff for the sake of it, when you have bills that need paying, caregiving responsibilities and people to support, rent or a mortgage to pay and deadlines to meet that put the juicer on your best creative ideas.
The problem with backseat desires is that they don’t disappear. They burn. They fester. They make us create elaborate cover stories about why we’re ignoring them. They make us hide. They make us angry. They make us depressed. When we don’t honour them, we stumble around blindly in the world, with a sense that we’re only half the person we were always meant to be.
That passion you used to know in your bones — scored into the marrow — but pretended to forget? It’s gasping for air.
So, naturally, I wrote a Substack about it all.
The ones who feel like they need multiple selves – maybe even multiple lives – to create everything they want to. It’s for “the lucky ones” who turned their passion into a paid career, only to find themselves creatively bankrupt when it comes to making art for themselves. This is an exploration of the tussle between “for money” creative jobs and “for pleasure” creative endeavours – and what it takes to actively live a life where you still get to create for yourself when your paid work leeches all your creative juices. Or so you think…
Self Squared is an opportunity to explore everything we think we know about our own creativity and question whether those things are true, or whether they are societal myths or assumptions we’ve internalised.
In it, I’ll be talking about things like the necessity of fallow periods and divorcing ourselves from the classic idea of “productivity”. Decoupling output from self-worth when successful campaigns, exhibitions, promotions and salary have always measured the "success" of your creativity. Finding space for creativity and giving it the boundaries it requires (and deserves) to flourish. Overcoming shiny object syndrome (or shiny object sabotage, as I call it) and much, much more.
My first essay is all about the regrettable fact that long-term relationships have always stifled the shit out of my creativity... and how I'm dealing with that as someone who's about to get married!
Self Squared exists to challenge your shadow artist – THE ONE WHO WAITS PATIENTLY IN THE WINGS FOR THEIR TURN, AFTER ALL THE "PROPER" WORK IS DONE – to kick up a fuss
Because creativity cannot happen in silo. You have to be the conduit for it.
This means forming some kind of relationship with the act of creating is necessary.
With this newsletter, my aim is to support other shadow artists to put their art first — giving it the time, space, attention, routine, diligence and reverence that they would give their paid endeavours.
Because we actually do know how to do all that.
We’ve just forgotten it, or worse, banned ourselves from doing it because we tell ourselves it’s not important.
My Substack isn't going to replace these emails. It's simply a space for me to share the stuff I wouldn't share here, and treat my shadow artist to a bit more artistic freedom. So if you'd like more of my musings on creative process in your inbox, sign up here.
On a similar note, I wanted to share this fab (free) private podcast from my lovely friend Jo. She's worked with HUNDREDS of fully booked and frazzled business owners to free up hours every week so they can get busy living, not just working, using the Me First Method.
If you relate to the things I touched on in the rest of this email, the Me First Diary Reset will help you wrestle the hours in the day back into submission.
Because, if you're fully booked, systemised and supported, but still holding in a wee for hours through back to back client calls... another system or more VA hours isn’t going to change that.
In this FREE 10 minute private podcast, you’ll learn:
🔥where you’re wasting time on ‘busy work’ that can be ditched
🔥what you REALLY want to be spending your time on (and how little you’re doing of that right now)
🔥what can be delegated, systemised or stopped so you can do more of the things you want
🔥the Me First Method of business decision-making that will make sure you’re prioritising your life, not just your business
GET THE ME FIRST DIARY RESET HERE
As always, let me know if this resonated with you. And see you over on Substack, I hope!
Love
Emma x
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